She's shorter than I am, perhaps about five foot six inches, although she doesn't like to wear shoes and oftentimes goes around in her bare feet. She maintains her hair short, above her shoulders but below her chin, and it looks golden brown in the light of the sun, but flatter under dull florescent. I don't think it's her real hair color, but who am I to judge? It's soft, too, when you touch it, which I haven't, but I know people who have. When she looks at you, her eyes are blue, with hints of green around her pupils. There's always a hint of teasing, or joy. You wouldn't want to see her crying. When she's drowned out that sense of wonder, you know that something is horribly wrong. And she always smells inexplicably of pastries, although I've yet to see her baking or spending inordinate amounts of time in bakeries or coffee shops.
When she speaks, she has people entranced. The words that she says don't matter as much in light of the beauty that is her voice. She doesn't say good things; rather, she's cruel and vicious. She doesn't know when to stop, or where he boundaries are. She's mean. But it doesn't matter, because people fall for the tone of her voice, like she's an angel and these are merely her battle hymns. She doesn't like people, but people like her. She could rule a kingdom with an iron fist, and she could bring it down without much thought to herself. She'd just keep on the way she always has, oblivious and self-absorbed.
Bailey,
ReplyDeleteWhat I liked most about this piece was how you presented knowing and not knowing at the same time. I was just very interested in reading a physical description that could be both; from your own knowledge and what you have learned from the people around you.
My initial reaction was that this piece was a piece of adoration. Based upon the first paragraph I thought this might be someone you cared for. I appreciate the second paragraph because you obliterated my preconceived notions. In such a short period of time you created a large turn. Not only this piece a physical description but, it had emotion and I really liked that.
Well done.
Hey,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your tone and word choice in this piece. I agree with Taylor, not knowing all of it is effective because it is very honest.
Including the way she speaks is a good idea because it also says a lot about her personality. So does how other people see her.
I really enjoyed it! Great job!
I love the specifics of the first paragraph--pastries and bare feet. And there's a mystery here. Taylor and Camille notice. You seem to be wondering about a person as much as defining her.
ReplyDeleteThe second paragraph seems to mean more to you that it will to us because there are abstractions and references that I don't think we get, especially the last bit about "Self-absorption."
I think you're off to a really good start, though. This won't have the typical profile tone probably, but that's not a bad thing at all.
Dave
I'm interested to see how this develops. Although I may not be the most agreeable in mystery characters, this piece does incite some interest. Some Sherlock moments perhaps? There are some theatrics in the last two sentences--rule a kingdom with an iron fist--which gives the person a larger than life image. I like that. Let's see what's next.
ReplyDelete